rd<\/sup> 2025<\/i><\/p>\nWhen Donald Trump called me to tell me that if I didn\u2019t give him what he wanted, he was going to slap tariffs on me, I was nonplussed. Weren\u2019t the price of eggs already too high? \u201cPlease, Mister Trump,\u201d I begged him. \u201cWhat do you want, Mister Trump?\u201d<\/p>\n
There was a pause. I was sure Donald knew what he wanted when he picked up the phone. But you know, he\u2019s a very important man. Important things to see, important people to do. It gets confusing.<\/p>\n
Time to avail myself of an opportunity to fill that void.<\/p>\n
\u201cDo whatever you want, but please, please don\u2019t demand I give you Mar-a-Lago. Please. Anything but that!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMar-a-lago, eh?\u201d I heard him give a sly cackle. Clearly, he thought he had be over a barrel. \u201cOK,\u201d he said, \u201cHere\u2019s my offer. I won\u2019t slap tariffs on you if you give me Mar-a-Lago.\u201d<\/p>\n
I whimpered convincingly, begging him to spare me. He hung up. I looked at my phone and chuckled.<\/p>\n
A few days later, he announced the tariffs on me. He did it on a Friday because nobody watches the news on Friday. I nearly missed it myself.<\/p>\n
By Monday morning, the stock market people were talking openly about a market crash. Market people don\u2019t like to talk about crashes, you know. They don\u2019t even like to admit such things exist. Usually if a broker mentions the word \u2018crash\u2019 it means he has jumped from the plane, fallen for ten seconds, and just realized he forgot his parachute. Meanwhile, the phrase \u2018trade war,\u2019 one hated by nearly all businessmen, was being bandied about. The whole world, it seemed, was mad at Donald.<\/p>\n
He gave me a call. \u201cThis is your last chance. Agree to giving me Mar-a-Lago and I\u2019ll consider dropping the tariffs.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry. Can\u2019t do it.\u201d I hung up.<\/p>\n
I turned on the stock-ticker channel and watched the meltdown proceed.<\/p>\n
The phone rang. \u201cGive me Mar-a-Lago and I\u2019ll drop the tariffs for two weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo good. I\u2019ll tariff you right back.\u201d I reminded myself to call the stock ticker channel and make the same threat. Should put the tech stocks in a tailspin.<\/p>\n
I watched the cartoon channel. I didn\u2019t mean to. It\u2019s just a bit hard to tell Looney Tunes from Fox News. Ring!<\/p>\n
\u201cAs you know, I am a top-flight negotiator, and I\u2019ve given this considerable thought. I want to help you here. I\u2019ll suspend tariffs for thirty days, only by the time a month has rolled around, everyone will have forgotten them. In return, you don\u2019t mention tariffs to anyone. You give me Mar-a-Lago, and I\u2019ll give you $3.5 million just to sweeten the deal and make it look legit for the tax people.\u201d<\/p>\n
I spent thirty seconds pretending to think about it. I could almost hear him sweating over the phone. I didn\u2019t want to think what that smelled like.<\/p>\n
\u201cDonald, I think we have a deal. You truly are the world\u2019s greatest deal-maker. I tell you this, sir, with tears in my eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n
I wondered if any of his flunkies would work up the nerve to tell him he already owned Mar-a-Lago and I had just sold him his own property to defuse a threat he wasn\u2019t prepared to carry out.<\/p>\n
The money arrived the next day in the form of a bearer bond. Which was good\u2014I wouldn\u2019t trust a check from that guy.<\/p>\n
Pretty good day\u2019s work, really. Think I\u2019ll call him tomorrow and tell him all the people at OANN are secretly woke.<\/p>\n
But first, call Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Presidente Claudia Sheinbaum. Tell them that if they want to avoid a trade war, they should tell him their respective countries won\u2019t swap places on the map, and that Mexico might be willing to sell him Alaska while Canada might sell him Texas.<\/p>\n
Just my little contribution to world peace, that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Bryan Zepp Jamieson February 3rd 2025 When Donald Trump called me to tell me that if I didn\u2019t give him what he wanted, he was going to slap tariffs on me, I was nonplussed. Weren\u2019t the price of eggs already too high? \u201cPlease, Mister Trump,\u201d I begged him. \u201cWhat do you want, Mister Trump?\u201d There … <\/p>\n
Continue reading “A Tariffic Time Was Had By All — The Art of the Dealt”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4,468,2,3,2165],"tags":[716,2215,2216,1807,2217,1545,407,717,351],"class_list":["post-1731","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-american-psyche","category-fiction","category-humor","category-personalmisc","category-trump-second-term","tag-blackmail","tag-coercion","tag-dealing","tag-dementia","tag-outwitting","tag-satire","tag-tariffs","tag-threats","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\nA Tariffic Time Was Had By All -- The Art of the Dealt · Zepp's Commentaries<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/zeppscommentaries.online\/?p=1731\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Tariffic Time Was Had By All -- The Art of the Dealt · Zepp's Commentaries\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Bryan Zepp Jamieson February 3rd 2025 When Donald Trump called me to tell me that if I didn\u2019t give him what he wanted, he was going to slap tariffs on me, I was nonplussed. 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