{"id":683,"date":"2019-06-16T04:27:54","date_gmt":"2019-06-16T04:27:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/zeppscommentaries.online\/?p=683"},"modified":"2019-06-16T14:34:57","modified_gmt":"2019-06-16T14:34:57","slug":"munch-versus-mad-bum-youve-got-a-really-dirty-mind-you-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zeppscommentaries.online\/?p=683","title":{"rendered":"Munch versus Mad Bum – You\u2019ve got a really dirty mind, you know."},"content":{"rendered":"

June 15th<\/sup>, 2019<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Y\u2019know, I don\u2019t want to write about fucking Trump. I\u2019m tired of typing with the taste of whatever I ate several hours earlier in the back of my throat. The man is a disgrace, and he makes me sick.<\/span><\/p>\n

So let\u2019s talk about baseball for a bit. Fun stuff, not scores and stats. The stuff that makes baseball goofy and endearing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, I know what you\u2019re thinking. I want to put Trump on a batter\u2019s tee in Oracle field in San Francisco, and have the biggest, meanest hitter in baseball\u2014Cody Bellinger, say, or maybe Mike Trout\u2014Barry Bonds Trump\u2019s ass right into McCovey Cove.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, I\u2019m not going to do that. For one thing, simple physics shows the sheer ridiculousness of this suggestion. Even Babe Ruth at his prime didn\u2019t have the bat speed needed to propel a 239* pound mass 355 feet in order to land with a splash in McCovey Cove. Also, these are twitchy and paranoid times, and talk of hitting the president with a baseball bat could result in a less-than-friendly visit from the Secret Service.<\/span><\/p>\n

So let me be clear: I do not advocate hitting Donald Trump with a baseball bat. Don\u2019t do it. Not a good idea. No, not even with an aluminum bat! There\u2019s a fad breaking out of pegging politicians with milkshakes, and while that would be a soul-satisfying event, as mentioned these are twitchy and paranoid times, and the Secret Service would probably pump 250 rounds into you before Trump could figure out what flavor shake you hit him with. If you want to keep Trump twitchy and paranoid, just shout \u201cImpeach!\u201d at him everywhere he goes.<\/span><\/p>\n

So: cute baseball story. <\/span><\/p>\n

Oddly enough, it actually does involve Oracle Park and McCovey Cove. <\/span><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re not a baseball fan and are somehow still reading this, Oracle Park, sometimes known as Corporate-Sponsor-of-the-Month Park, sits right at the juncture of Mission Creek and the San Francisco Bay. It forms a little basin within the Bay that is officially called China Basin but which fans nicknamed McCovey Cove in honor of the famed Giants slugger. It became famous during the splendid but suspicious late-career power surge Barry Bonds enjoyed, when he deposited dozens of balls in the water, where an armada of fans in kayaks and canoes jostled in hopes of catching one of his record-setting homers.<\/span><\/p>\n

Balls still plonk into the Cove on a regular basis to this day, but to the disgust of the local fans, a large majority of those balls are hit by the opposing team. The Giants are rebuilding, glory days in the past. <\/span><\/p>\n

They should talk to the Dodgers. They\u2019ve been rebuilding since 1988, and have gotten really good at it.<\/span><\/p>\n

But the Dodgers and Giants have the most famous rivalry in baseball, so naturally, the Dodgers were the visiting team in this story. And that\u2019s part of the mix. If the Giants had been playing the San Diego Who Deys or the Cincinnati They Still Have a Team?, things might have been different. <\/span><\/p>\n

The Dodger batter was named Max (\u201cMunch\u201d) Muncy, who kind of exemplifies Dodger luck. Muncy spent his first two years with the Oakland A\u2019s, and he hit .196 (that\u2019s really not good) and hit a total of five home runs, a total most team mascots could match. With a sigh, Oakland released him, and the Dodgers signed him, dirt cheap. In 165 games since, he\u2019s hit 51 homers, hitting a respectable .269. For the Dodgers, it was a bit like ordering a Ford Focus and getting a Ford GT due to a mixup at the dealership. Team management blinked in disbelief but didn\u2019t complain. <\/span><\/p>\n

As you may have surmised, it was this self-same Max Muncy who hit a ball into McCovey Cove. <\/span><\/p>\n

Now, the Giant\u2019s pitcher was a fellow named Madison Bumgarner (\u201cMad Bum\u201d). Thus the title of this piece. For those who were expecting some sleazy anal porn, I\u2019m sorry, and Xhamster is that way. Enjoy.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, I know nothing about Bumgarner as a person. For all I know, he\u2019s genial and even jovial, fun at parties, the sort of guy you like to have a beer with. But when he\u2019s on the mound, he pitches with an emotional state that psychiatrists call \u201cHaving a large stick up his ass.\u201d (OK, maybe a LITTLE anal porn\u2026). He\u2019s uptight, and a bit too tetchy for his own good. <\/span><\/p>\n

A few years back, he had a verbal exchange with then-Dodger Yasiel Puig when he thought Puig\u2019s bat flip following a moon shot was a bit too enthusiastic, and called him up on it. The Cuban Puig didn\u2019t speak much English then, but picked up on the tone and gargled a couple of quarts of florid Spanish back at him. And it was ON, baby!<\/span><\/p>\n

Puig probably wasn\u2019t the best choice with whom to start a feud; he has made a cottage industry of trolling uptight pitchers, and from then on, whenever he faced Bumgarner, he did so with an amazing display of twerking, tongue flicking, bat licking and suggestive waggling of the eyebrows. Bumgarner, who really should have known better, was visibly seething at times. Dodger fans were delighted, Giants fans found their liberal values tested.<\/span><\/p>\n

So when Muncy hit a Bumgarner pitch into the cove, it was probably his first opportunity to achiev that particular feat. He took a couple of moments to admire the flight of the ball. Bumgarner was unamused. <\/span><\/p>\n

Muncy related after the game, \u201cI hit the ball and then he yelled at me. [Bumgarner] said, \u2018Don\u2019t watch the ball, you run.\u2019 I just responded back, \u2018If you don\u2019t want me to watch the ball, you can go get it out of the ocean.\u2019\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

As far as trolling goes, this was Harvard Lampoon level pitcher-baiting. \u201cGo Get It Out Of The Ocean\u201d was an instant classic. T-shirts were made, in Pantone 294 and with the word \u201cOcean\u201d in Dodger script. Several Dodgers, including Muncy, gleefully wore the shirts during practice. <\/span><\/p>\n

There is an unconfirmed report that Puig, now with the Cincinnati They Still Have a Team?, got a T-shirt and sent it to Bumgarner, but not before signing it, \u201cFrom your good friend Puig. I like you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

So this week the Dodgers and the Giants play again, this time in Dodger Stadium. The good news is that there are no large bodies of water near the park, and in fact nobody has ever actually hit a baseball out of the park. Maybe if the hitters imagined Trump\u2019s face on the baseball…nah. I\u2019m already in it deep enough, thanks.<\/span><\/p>\n

Several outfits are selling variations on the \u201cGo Get it out of the Ocean\u201d Tees, and they are flying off the shelves. It seems very likely selling the Tees will be a major, if brief industry in the huge Dodger Stadium parking lots before each of the games, especially the one Mad Bum is pitching. <\/span><\/p>\n

Now there\u2019s two ways Mad Bum could bring this all to a grinding halt. One way is to go out and pitch a perfect game. Given that perfect games happen about once every 10,000 games, and Bumgarner isn\u2019t as overpowering as he used to be, we\u2019ll call that \u2018Plan B.\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n

The other is for him to show up on the field pre-game wearing one of those shirts. Ideally, he would be wearing the very shirt Puig sent him, assuming a) that such a shirt actually exists and b) Puig didn\u2019t taunt him by sending a shirt that is three sizes too small. Made sure the media notice. Maybe do an interview with a Dodger announcer while wearing it.<\/span><\/p>\n

It would be self-deprecating and endearing. It would be bad for the T-shirt vendors, but good for Bumgarner and the Giants. It would nullify the original troll, and put Mad Bum up one.<\/span><\/p>\n

Or he could go whack, um, somebody with a baseball bat. That would be a crowd-pleaser, too.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nah. I would hate to see Mad Bum get shot. It would be superfluous. Muncy already nailed him.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

June 15th, 2019 Y\u2019know, I don\u2019t want to write about fucking Trump. I\u2019m tired of typing with the taste of whatever I ate several hours earlier in the back of my throat. The man is a disgrace, and he makes me sick. So let\u2019s talk about baseball for a bit. Fun stuff, not scores and … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Munch versus Mad Bum – You\u2019ve got a really dirty mind, you know.”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4,2],"tags":[824,746,822,820,819,825,821,826,823],"class_list":["post-683","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-american-psyche","category-humor","tag-go-get-it-out-of-the-ocean","tag-baseball","tag-los-angeles-dodger","tag-madison-bumgarner","tag-max-muncy","tag-rivalries","tag-san-francisco-giants","tag-trolling","tag-yasiel-puig"],"yoast_head":"\nMunch versus Mad Bum - You\u2019ve got a really dirty mind, you know. · Zepp's Commentaries<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/zeppscommentaries.online\/?p=683\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Munch versus Mad Bum - You\u2019ve got a really dirty mind, you know. · Zepp's Commentaries\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"June 15th, 2019 Y\u2019know, I don\u2019t want to write about fucking Trump. 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