Bryan Zepp Jamieson
December 14th 2024
I think that for most people, the results of the election last month were like being four years in remission, going to your oncologist for a routine scan, only to get the bad news. It’s back, and it has metastasized.
We’re already seeing the plutocracy manipulate the idiot Trump into creating the most blatant kleptocracy in world history. Elon Musk is in charge of the utterly fraudulent “Department of Government Efficiency” or DOGE.
Let me make a slight digression here: There was an elected office, “The Doge of Venice.” The office existed from 697 CE to 1797 CE. The holder ruled Venice in the name of the oligarchy, and not surprisingly, became fantastically corrupt. Each was elected for life by a council of 40 town aristocrats (the 40 thieves) but it got so bad that according to Wikipedia, “after 1268, the doge was constantly under strict surveillance: he had to wait for other officials to be present before opening dispatches from foreign powers; he was not allowed to possess any property in a foreign land.” That reduced, but far from eliminated the grift and graft that has made the word “Doge” synonymous with corruption. Musk is a stupid person’s idea of a genius, so it’s debatable as to his love of the word stems from arrogance or simple ignorance. “Dogecoin,” dodgy even by bitcoin standards, says it all, really.
So Elon wants to recommend all the agencies that oversee his particular endeavors be privatized (NASA would become a department of SpaceX) or simply eliminated altogether.
National defense would be overseen by Peter Hegseth, a drunk and (kindly phrased) a womanizer. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is meant to oversee Health and Human Services. While he was supposedly backed away from his anti-vax stances, his chosen pick for deputy wants to suspend polio vaccines while the government conducts a double-blind study of its safety and effectiveness. And of course Kennedy still believes the long-discredited conspiracy theory that vaccines cause autism.
Kelly Loeffler, a billionaire, and so reactionary even the voters of Georgia couldn’t stomach her, is meant to be head of the Small Business Administration.
Brooke Rollins, former head of the virulently right-wing America First Policy Institute is slated to run the Department of Agriculture. “Small farmers” controlling more than 100,000 acres line up here, please.
Scott Turner, former football player, is picked to run HUD. If single mothers can’t afford housing, they should become NFL players.
Scott Bessent, a hedge fund trader, would run the Treasury Department. Keep investigating those hedge fund traders, guys! I’m sure Scott’s behind you 100%.
Pam Bondi, a notorious election denier and Trump cheerleader will be the Attorney-General. She’ll be in charge of rounding up members of Congress who investigated Trump and any federal law enforcement officials who caused him even momentary discomfort.
The Education Department will be run by the head of a Pro Wrestling outfit. “Wrestling isn’t fake: science is fake.”
A billionaire will be running Commerce. There is absolutely no possibility he would use the position to feather his own nest, because vulture capitalists are nothing if not honest, decent people.
We won’t even bother with the rest of the billionaires (who will make up most of Trump’s cabinet, accurately reflecting America since most of the 330,000,000 people are also billionaires) or the collection of Faux News hosts, a job requirement of which is skillful and unconscionable lying.
It’s small wonder Trump wanted to eliminate FBI background checks (did I mention that Putin stooge Tulsi Gabbard will be running the FBI?) and provide greater ease in making unvetted recess appointments.
I wonder when Trump will change his title from President of the United States to Doge of America? Is America going to the Doge?
Our only real hope is that the sheer incompetence and malice of Trump will bring him down, hopefully by legal and peaceful means. Only an utterly daft fool believes life will improve for the average worker or student or child or retiree under this Duchy.
Over the past few days, there’s been something of a panic over drones spotted over New Jersey. (Was that too sharp a curve? Hey, guys, the essay is over here—I was going to spare you discussion of Matt Gaetz, or the felonious Ambassador to France, or what we’ve done to poor old Greece.)
Anyway, the drones. It reminds me a bit of the big Chinese balloon panic a couple of years back (somewhere I have a meme of a girl in a red vinyl minidress and MAGA cap, lying in a parking lot where she obviously fainted, being offered water by a concerned friend who is telling her, “It’s OK—Joe Biden made the bad balloons go away”). It’ll probably turn out to be something fairly innocuous, and the right wing will have to go looking for its next moral panic. (How about “Atheists are forcing children to abort themselves in the name of Satan”?)
But it cross my mind that if it was some concerted plan of attack, the next few months will be the ideal time. America is going to be in utter chaos as the Doge Trump era begins, both the intentional chaos of the plutocrats raping the country blind, and the unintentional chaos of the sheer incompetence we should expect. We may well be utterly paralyzed, unable to defend ourselves.
If enemies, either foreign or domestic ones not already taking power ever wanted to defeat America, they’ll never have a better chance.
